Fallen Ray

Right there, below my feet.

Sheef: They remind me of you …

- SandLand Volume 01 Chapter 002

Yesterday, a friend of mine told me that singing and creating a song is two totally different matters.
Even if you could sing a song or play a music sheet thousand times perfectly,
it doesn’t guarantee that you could make your own music.

You need what so called creativity factor.
It was something you’re born with…
and so on, we caught in a deep debate of theory of creativity.
He’s an artist anyway.

I whole heartily disagree. It sounds too pessimistic.
What if you’re born without creativity?
Could we learn it? or couldn’t we?

I have my own theory of creativity,
which i hold dear for a long time.
It has been proven to be true throughout my life.

Let say when i start learning how to write.
I started with imitating alphabet “a” from textbook.
As expected, my first effort was a total mess.
Even my parents recognized it as a snake,
not nearly close to an “a”.

After several trials, i can perfectly draw an “a”.
Event though all of the “a” i write are not exactly the same,
I don’t feel disheartened.

That’s the beauty of human creation.
We’re perfect because we’re imperfect.
It’s what i always believe anyway.

What i want to say is, i can write now.
Well obviously, otherwise i wouldn’t graduate from primary school.

After i wrote those alphabets thousand to billion times.
Can i design my own alphabet now?
Yes, of course.

Look at the caterpillar.

It eats the very same leaves every day.
Doing the same thing,
crawling and eating.
Moving its jaw up and down (does caterpillar has jaw?)
Eat and eat for half of its life.

Then one day, without really realizing it,
it miraculously morphed into butterfly.
Flies toward the beautiful sky.

When it was a caterpillar, does it even think like this?
“I will stuff my stomach with all of this fluffy green stuff,
as much as i can see, so that i can fly one day.”

NO!

If you have time to think whether you would have that creativity one day,
it would be thousand times better to just do the routine of work you’re good at.

Someday, you WILL get that creativity.

If you swim everyday, would you become better at swimming?
Yes.
If you imitate others’ works every day, would you be the best imitators?
Yes and not only as an imitators.
You’ll find yourself as creator with creative skill.

Every single thing that you have done,
are built up and become a part of you.

Do the same thing over and over,
until something ring out of your head…
One day, when you say,
“Hey it’s would looks better if i add this here”.
I guarantee that what you did at this moment
is a genuine product of your creative work.

Creativity is either an imitation of existing being or just a dumb luck.

Don’t be afraid to imitate.
But don’t forget to stand firm,
and be your best self.

To stand firm means to know what you want.
To imitate means to know how to get it.

Art is a product of creativity.
Coding is an art.
I’m an amazing coder.
… what a shameless plug.

See ya.

In Life, Compassion.

- Japanese proverb
Tabiwa michizure yowa nasake

just a bit smarter than all of you.

But Who are We to Judge.

I (*edit: almost) got drowned in one of my swimming class when i was in primary school. The pool’s depth is only 2-3 meters, but my height was one hundred twenty something meter at that time. I was really scared.

Only the tip of my fingers can reach the air. There’s no ground on my cramped foot. I lost my breath. I’m in panic. My vision slowly become blurry. All my surroundings turn into blueish. My soul was on the tip of my mouth. One of the most scariest moment in my life, ever. After that, this damned light blue color always stuck on my head every single day. Well, i’m really glad that i still have “another” day anyway.

One day, I saw this color again on one of encyclopedia book for kids. My parent bought it as birthday gift. The blue in this book is much heavier, more shaded, and much much more mesmerizing. It was the color of deep blue sea.

Since then, I always fond of a small range of color spectrum which called blue. To be more specific, it’s dark blue similar to navy blue but a bit darker.

The thing is, i don’t like deep sea. I don’t like, which really close to hate. Not exactly hate, it’s just “fear” not “hate”.

Why would i like the color of something i don’t like? Huh. I don’t know. My best answer… Favorite color is not necessarily from the one you really like. Or, maybe i do like fear. Hmm, that’s questionable.

The story continues … after several years, i getting curious if there’s a meaning behind color. What is blue, green or red?

This semester, I took Human Visual Information class. I hope i can get a good mark here. Wish me luck… Oh, what are we talking about? … Color meaning? Right!

On one chapter, we learn about color more deeply. During my study, well actually my mind was just wandering off again, i came across the meaning of color. Here, i quoted one for my own favorite color. You could check yours on the site.

Blue is the overwhelming “favorite color.” Blue is seen as trustworthy, dependable and committed. The color of sky and the ocean, blue is perceived as a constant in our lives.

As the collective color of the spirit, it invokes rest and can cause the body to produce chemicals that are calming; however not all blues are serene and sedate. Electric or brilliant blues become dynamic and dramatic, an engaging color that expresses exhilaration.

Some shades or the overuse of blue may come across as cold or uncaring. Blue is the least “gender specific” color, having equal appeal to both men and women.

How the color blue effects us physically and mentally
* Calming and sedate
* Cooling
* Aids intuition

Taken from: http://www.squidoo.com/colorexpert

What’s written on this site, by so called color expert, are marvelous. Majority would agree. I am, but i’d say that it is not 100% true.

One reason, during the class i learn about perception. Our experience might not be the same with others. The blue i saw might not as blue as others think. We have different physical structures.

Other reason, there’s a psychology there which is manufactured from our physical sense. It might be triggered from past experience which produce some kind of emotion. Like when i see blue color from my eye, i remember deep sea and how i was drowned. Then it would trigger the emotion called fear.

So, sometimes i could trigger fear just by seeing blue color. Unlike others who would feel calm, cool, cold, etc. I don’t believe the universal color meaning. I do believe that favorite color is very close related with personality and one’s past personal experience. Knowing favorite color gives us hint but not permission to judge someone. That’s all folks.

I have a laptop which i rarely use. I bought it on 2007. It has 12 inch wide-screen monitor, celeron mobile processor with 512 MB memory. The top cover has some scratches because i often brought it along. That’s why, one day I put a sticker cover with superman logo there. Then, i gave him a brand new name, the icetop (S logo on top of laptop).

Since i got new ones, blackie and silvie, i barely use icetop anymore. Icetop is still good enough for small jobs like preparing presentations, doing homework and such mobile tasks.

Well my point is, technology has a very short life time. Two-three years ago it was a big shot, and now it become part of history. Especially when we’re talking about computer. PCs and laptops for some people are considered a luxury, a high-end consumer product. We’re not really aware that we never use them effectively.

I mean look at how many hours per day we use a PCs. Open the task manager, at average we only use 10% of CPU and 25% of memory. You know, sometimes i thought it’s a waste. All of my computers and laptops become outdated even when they still work fine.

A wise man says, “Which would you prefer? Broken down by overwork or Leave it unused, dried hung up and goes rotten“?

Imagine PCs as human, every time they only do small tasks. Most of days they just sit, idling, doing nothing. When the payday come, they demand the highest salary.

So, I mean why don’t we just use them like a slave for every single second until they broke down into pieces

The best way to “spend” your PC is for charity. In one of my class, i have to present about distributed computing. After some researches, I bump on a very interesting project. http://www.worldcommunitygrid.org/. It has been there for years. I didn’t know it until just now. Why everyone tried to hide it from me?

“Donate the time your computer is turned on, but is idle, to projects that benefit humanity!“, quoted from main homepage. All you need to do is register and download a software. This software works just like screensaver.

I want my laptop to do lots of works before outdated. Electricity is considered cheap. Internet connection is flat rate for unlimited usage. This is a perfect solution for me. Whenever i’m not using my laptops, i would keep them turned on. Let them help World Community Grid fights against cancer, drugs, aids, and whatever. I don’t want my silvie or blackie or icetop to be idle for even a second. Bwahaha *evil laugh*.

Case closed. Don’t waste your PC’s life, ever! Or you’ll be sorry…. ever!

Title: Kurumi
Artist: Mr.Children

Kore kara KURU MIrai (Future that will come upon)

nee kurumi
kono machi no keshiki ha kimi no me ni
dou utsuru no?
ima no boku ha dou mieru no?

nee kurumi
dareka no yasashisa mo hiniku ni kikoeteshimaun da
sonna toki ha dou shitara ii?

yokatta koto dake omoidashite
yake ni toshioita kimochi ni naru
to ha ie kurashi no naka de
ima ugokidasou to shiteiru
haguruma no hitotsu ni naranakute ha naa
kibou no kazu dake shitsubou ha fueru
soredemo asu ni mune ha furueru
‘donna koto ga okorun darou?’
souzou shitemirun da yo

nee kurumi
jikan ga nanimokamo araitsuresattekurereba
ikiru koto ha jitsu ni tayasui

nee kurumi
are kara ha ichido mo namida ha nagashitenai yo
demo honki de warau koto mo sukunai

dokoka de kakechigaetekite
ki ga tsukeba hitotsu amatta botan
onaji you ni shite dareka ga
moteamashita botanho-ru ni
deau koto de imi ga dekita nara ii
deai no kazu dake wakare ha fueru
soredemo kibou ni mune ha furueru
jyuujiro ni dekuwasu tabi
mayoi mo suru darou kedo

ima ijyou wo itsumo hoshigaru kuse ni
kawaranai ai wo motome utau
sou shite haguruma ha mawaru
kono hitsuyou ijyou no futan ni
gishigishi nibui oto wo tatenagara
kibou no kazu dake shitsubou ha fueru
soredemo asu ni mune ha furueru
‘donna koto ga okorun darou?’
souzou shitemiyou
deai no kazu dake wakare ha fueru
soredemo kibou ni mune ha furueru
hikikaeshicha ikenai yo ne
susumou kimi no inai michi no ue he

tell me, Kurumi
What do you see looking at this city
How do I look to you now?

tell me, Kurumi
When I start to hear the sarcasm in someone’s kindness
What am I to do?

Remembering only the good times
though it makes me feel like I’ve aged a sum
But you gotta be one of the gears
trying to get turning
You can have only as much despair as you have hope.
but still, my heart trembles at the thought of the future
‘what’s going to happen?’
I try to imagine.

tell me, Kurumi
If time will eventually wash it all away
then life must be a simple affair.

tell me, Kurumi
since then I haven’t cried once
but, neither have I had many good laughs

Somewhere I did up the buttons wrong,
by the time I notice, there’s one button leftover
and similarly one button hole, in need of a button
If you find meaning in finding someone then fine
you can have only as many partings
as you do encounters
still my heart trembles at the thought of hope.
everytime I encounter a crossroads
I’ll fret over which way to go but…

Eventhough I want more than I have now
I sing for an unchanging love
that’s what makes the gears turn
with the burden of more than I need,
making a dull grinding sound
you can have only as much despair as you do hope
and still my heart trembles
at the thought of the future
“what’s going to happen?”
let’s imagine
you can have only as many partings
as you do encounters
and still my heart trembles at the thought of hope
guess there’s no turning back,
so I’ll go on, to a road without you.

BE your-BEST-self.